Ranch Water seltzer definitely beats hotdog water

So, you found yourself reading The Record the other day… the only newspaper with editors willing to print our deeply insightful reviews on beers, seltzers and liquors. We are just your average consumers of alcoholic beverages with bold and controversial opinions. Please don’t consume alcoholic beverages if you are under 21 and follow the law. If you are of a legal drinking age, please drink responsibly and… stop at buzzed!

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**Ranch Water Seltzer:**

With our love for hot dog water, we were immediately attracted to this seltzer due to its similar name, Ranch Water. Lone River Beverage Company is based in western Texas and brews four flavors of hard seltzer: Original, Spicy, Rio Red Grapefruit, and Prickly Pear. This week we tried Lone River’s Rio Red Grapefruit flavor.

Coming in at 4%, this drink has a low percentage of alcohol for a hard seltzer. Ranch Water is smooth and is about as carbonated as a Mountain Dew that was open to the air for a couple of hours.

Our only issue with this seltzer is that the grapefruit flavor could be stronger. This low-calorie seltzer is quite sweet compared to the bitter flavored beers we have become accustomed to. This drink is exactly what we would expect Ted Cruz to be sipping on while sitting on a beach somewhere in Mexico.

**Mack’s Thoughts:**

With Marvel’s “What If?” wrapping up recently, I keep finding myself thinking about the multiverse and its unlimited possibilities. While perusing Instagram the other day, I came across a meme related to just this. It referred to the idea that in some universe, The Beach Boys are supervillains, and instead of using the famous lyric, “wouldn’t it be nice?,” these Beach Boys used the line, “wouldn’t it be horrible?”

In the now expanding universe being conjured up in my brain, I would like to think that their evil plan would include developing a beverage with a carbonation level equal to a mixture of McDonald’s Sprite and the static from the box TV that everyone’s grandma has.

I have even gone as far as giving this carbonated beverage a name, La Croix. There is only one beverage
that can stop the Evil Beach Boys on their quest to make everything horrible, that beverage folks, is Ranch Water – Rio Red Grapefruit.

Are you a single Bennie? Do you have strong thoughts on alcoholic beverages? Lucky for you, so do we. We are fun, energetic men, nothing like that lazy piece of garbage Grandpa Joe in Roald Dahl’s “Willy Wonka.”

If you are interested in having a lengthy conversation about alcoholic beverages and wonderful fall weather, our emails are right there. Remember, if you are of age, stop at buzzed! Anyways, back to choring.